365 days without Matt

The last 2 weeks have been filled with some ugly crying, y’all.

When my SEPTEMBER FIT program began earlier this month I held our welcome call and shared with the group that my phrase for the month was “cry when you need to.” This may not sound incredibly profound but I’ve been known to bottle up emotion when the ‘show must go on’. This month I took the lid off and it’s been liberating to say the least.

Turns out, if you have a hysterical breakdown in the car the day before a photo shoot, hell does not freeze over and you make it work.

Is this my toxic trait? No. I have so many others.

Prior to experiencing this grief journey, I would have avoided the topic of a deceased loved one because I assumed it would’ve been more painful to bring it up. I know better now. I want people to ask about him. I want to remember his legacy and talk about his gifts and his talent and his humor and his dance moves, his unwavering commitment to doing the right thing. I want to talk about the way he had advice on parenting, divorce and relationships and topics that would seemingly be out of his wheelhouse. I want to talk about how he influenced my son in all the best possible ways.

I want to talk about how your entire life can change in an instant.

Maybe this topic isn’t discussed very often because frankly, it doesn’t seem possible.

Yet, it happens to many of us.

My mission as many of you are well aware is capitalizing on the life you’ve got and the life you’re growing into.

A month after Matt passed and for many months thereafter, you could hear me say audibly “This is going to be the longest life ever.”

I must’ve said that 1000 times. My brain at that time couldn’t fathom doing the rest of life without him in it.

In truth, 365 days ago I was a different person.

The way I’ve been led into my personal growth and ascension is something that Matt would be proud of and is likely (in my opinion) responsible for. He loooooooved to get credit. Haha.

On Sunday, I went back to read the

substack post I shared upon his passing. My friend Lisa commented on how she was shocked I could gather my thoughts 12 days after he died. I suppose if I weren’t living this life I’d ask the same question. Matt’s death was tragic and in many ways a gateway for expansion. He was powerful in life and legendary in death. That’s something. The number of people who’ve told me in the last 365 days that he has changed them is astounding. I don’t know of many people that can have such an impact in death. What a tribute. What a testament to the 17,810 days he had on earth. Yes I calculated that. That number looks so small. I’ve lived 16,663 as of today. These numbers look ridiculous.

You know that saying “the days are long and the years are short” - well it couldn’t be more true. Looks like life has a funny way of making sense out of the seemingly senseless. I wish I could make perfect sense out of this loss and how my purpose has been forever altered because this one man lived and loved with his whole heart.

If you have time, please read (or reread) the substack I shared above. Or read

this one “SIGNS” if you’ve recently lost someone and are in need of a SIGN that you’re not alone and never, ever will be.

Your life can change in an instant that’s for certain. For better or for worse.

I pray you’ll have another 365 days to alchemize your hardships and love with your whole damn heart.

Thank you for coming along on this ride with me.

Thank you for holding me up in ways you may never know.

Thank you x 365.

OKAYILOVEYOUBYEEE,

xx

Nic.

ps. * Tuesday QUICKIE YOGA 12-12:30pm pst. $10. A well rounded music based mobility focused yoga flow. This was created as a community class and if you ever need financial assistance to attend - please just reach out or use code NEWFRIEND to try a class for free. Sign up here.

* Saturday AVIATOR NATION YOGA FLOW 9-10am, 10:15-11:15am. In person, in Santa Monica. Come on out. Sign up here.

* Sunday AVIATOR NATION YOGA FLOW. 10:45-11:45am. In person, in Santa Monica. Come on out. Sign up here.

pps. Rent our LABOR DAY YOGA FLOW class and practice with me from home. We all enjoyed this hour long music based yoga flow and you can too…Grab it here.

ppps. Did you happen to see my survey about a SWEAT AND STILLNESS RETREAT? Please only fill this out if you have intentions of coming. I appreciate your time but want to make sure I’m gathering information and preferences for folks who are sincerely interested. Complete the survey here.

ppps. EPISODE 39 of SHOCK AND YALL is out now. I’m speaking with DR. LOTTE VALENTINE. You’re not ready!! I had to organize interviews so her’s would air the day after Matt’s anniversary primarily bc Matt would have LOVED THIS ONE. Not only has she survived 2 near death experiences, she returns that much wiser and embodied in her purpose. She is an NMD having attending medical school at 54 years old, author, medical intuitive, evidential psychic medium, ancestral healer and keynote speaker. She exudes warmth, kindness, and a love that feels familiar and comforting. Bridging the gap from atheism to full believer-her story will crack you open, mind body and spirit ... Take a sneak peek at our conversation and let me know what you think of the episode.

OH WAIT. You’re still here … could you, would you, pretty please leave us a review on Apple podcasts. Just click this link, scroll to the bottom to leave your thoughts and “stars” and I’ll send you an energetic HIGH FIVE along with my sincere appreciation.