SIGNS …

*if you haven't read my previous email, please do...

I’m gonna lose some of you on this and that’s OK. I mentioned in my last email that Matt and I shared a unique connection over the metaphysical and we were always in conversation about this realm versus the next/others, God, angels, consciousness, NDEs, time, and space.

From that awful Saturday morning, when I found the love of my life no longer earthside, there were already signs…

Shamelessly, I admit, I begged him. As I bawled my eyes out in that room, and for the next two hours straight, I begged him … more like demanded.

I demanded bc I knew he would deliver.

We had discussed it after all. I just expected us to be closer to 90 years old of course…

Here are a few of the signs that showed up in the days and weeks after his passing…

• A mourning dove outside my window the first day.

• Two mourning doves outside my window the next day.

• On the third day, an incident in our kitchen with my mother and a bottle of black pepper that ONLY SHE knew about that had occurred exactly the same way between she and Matt a year ago in Alabama.

• That night the 3 light bulbs in the upstairs hallway going out and then magically working the next day.

• The first week I drove alone just 3 times and every time there was a fly riding along with me. (I legit hate flies so this was an interesting choice.)

• The fourth trip I made was solo to Disneyland. (I was meeting my brother, SIL and the kids-not just a creepy middle age woman going to mouse town) I was 40 minutes in when I received a text from Matt’s friend Chris where he validated how special Matt was and just how much Matt loved me. I lost it. I had a hysterical-unsafe while driving-breakdown begging Matt for more signs. When I opened my eyes a single fly was staring at me on the steering wheel positioned between my hands. I said “okay, okay I get it you’re everywhere-I just miss you so much”…the fly stared at me for about 2 minutes, did an about face, and flew off into the crevices of my windshield.

• I had started a book called SIGNS months ago (Thanks Nicole R). I brought it with me on the plane to Sarasota for the second funeral and when I opened it, I had left off on chapter 12. (Matt’s birthday is 12/12 and his number was and has always been 12)

• A woman on the plane 5 rows in front of me lost consciousness an hour into our flight and medical personal were called for immediate assistance. I prayed and said God (and Matt) you must intervene. You must save her. Forty five minutes later she was stabilized.

• After a very deep nightly meditation in Sarasota, I woke up to find the same text message from 2 different friends 3,000 miles apart sharing a meme about energy transfer. Matt would have eaten this up. (photo at the bottom)

• Walking to Matt’s favorite beach in Sarasota with his best friend and his wife, we passed Matt’s favorite model Jeep with rubber ducks lining the dashboard. (he owned Rubber Tubbers, ‘why should ducks have all the fun’)

• Last week I was debating on taking a spin class in LA only to be greeted by a handwritten note from the teacher on the handlebars that said “I’m so happy you’re here”. That class ended with Matt’s ‘baseball walk out song’, Stayin’ Alive! Who plays Stayin’ Alive in a spin class!!

• Coming out of the spin class, I received a DM from a woman I just met 2 months ago, sharing an image of a sea shell she came across that shook me. (photo at the bottom)

• He came to me in a dream. I was floating above looking at all these people. Thousands of them just thinking none of them are you. None of them get us. None of them understood our connection and our conversations. Then I find myself seated. He comes up next to me and puts his left arm around me and holds me so tightly and I’m enveloped in comfort. He is holding index cards (that’s a weird one) and I recognize his thumb. I stare at it bc I miss every part of him. He then proceeds to read from the index card about how he needs me to understand it’s all about joy and light and laughter and wait for it … “death is not that serious”. It’s like he wants me to focus on the comfort of knowing that this life is made of goodness. I then wake up and cry hysterically into my pillow for 30 more minutes. *sooooo the dream was questionably received, but he tried.

• There is one more sign that I’ve chosen not to share here as it is SO BEYOND fathomable that I’ll keep it close to my heart for now. If you want to hear about it, just reply and I’ll send a blurb. A similar occurrence is discussed in chapter 18 of the SIGNS book. When it happened to me, I gasped. I know for certain Matt is with me. His messages are landing.

At his service in Sarasota, two exceptional friends, from 2 different circles, unknowingly pieced me back together that afternoon. My friend Jenny was attending an advanced quantum meditation retreat with Dr. Joe Dispenza… Say what you will about this - I don’t care - we typically get what we expect and quantum entanglement is real.

Jenny shared with me the details of a meditation she had the day after his service that were so profound and intimate, I knew they were meant for me.

My other friend, Katy who works closely with HHDL (His Holiness the Dalai Lama) and the monastic community, shared another download about the ripple effect of Matt’s life that she received upon hearing the news of his passing.

This was like a game of emotional Tetris.

The words they spoke to me were healing my soul, crumb by crumb, layer by layer.

Katy told me her story of visiting a Swami 20 years ago, during a time of deep exploration and tragic loss, and when she approached him, he sat still and quiet for a very long time, and then finally opened his eyes, looked at her, and said “you must be able to sit in the question.”

These two women, at this very pivotal moment in my life, were not answering the questions for me, but rather providing an intuitive library where I could seek the answers myself.

Matt has appeared in a few dreams to my friend Jamie (along with numerous other people). Her dreams blew me away as the details made perfect sense. People from all around the world are messaging me with odd occurrences and signs of their own.

Matt had conviction.

And he was patient. He would offer an idea and let me sit with it. Most of the time I would argue and deflect and play devils advocate. The lessons he continues to provide me are bigger than life.

At one of the services, a grown man came up to me with tears in his eyes, saying, “You’re a beautiful, brilliant, badass girl and I don’t think you’ll ever be able to find someone like Matt.”

My stomach dropped - bc I know I won’t.

I would never try to replace Matt.

People are not to be replicated.

I also don’t intend to be alone forever in this life, but if I am, I have an enormous, powerful guardian angel at my back.

You are a wild spark of consciousness, breath, and life force that ripples out into the world and in your community beyond your understanding.

If I haven’t lost you yet, this might do it…

My inner circle and my online Sweat And Stillness community has heard me speak to a gnarly two month long, inexplicable full body rash that I’ve been having. This rash began on July 16th and first appeared over my heart. It spread to my ankles and forearms, my hips, legs, back, armpits, everywhere. The patterning was off. My chest rash presented differently than my arms and legs. It wasn’t adding up.

I saw three different speciality doctors (including my father the retired allergist), did bloodwork, checked for bed bugs, had multiple biopsies, extracted medication and supplements, changed my diet, tried all the creams and steroids and potions and lotions you can think of. Nothing was working.

During this time Matt was so empathetic and felt so deeply frustrated for me as we had “tried everything”.

On the night that Matt passed, they estimate he crossed around midnight … I was awake at midnight (sadly, I’ve beat myself up over this plenty), scratching my body feverishly for 44 minutes … I believe it was 12:01 to 12:45 AM to be exact … This was a normal occurrence with my rash, as I would have almost nightly hour long scratching attacks … When I woke up the next morning, albeit the worst morning of my life to date, I realized my full body rash was gone. Completely gone. Not a trace of redness, irritation, or bumps.

I hesitated in sharing this story. For obvious reasons…

The energetic body is real.

Our connection to spirit and consciousness is REAL.

Signs are energy in a changed and altered state.

There is PLENTY we can not see and won’t understand in this 3D earthly experience and I’m certain, with every fiber of my meat suit, that SIGNS are a gateway to a realm beyond. This book is a must read. If this email has you asking questions, if you have lost loved ones and wonder if you could potentially feel them, if you need a good cry…buy this book. I don’t know Laura Lynne Jackson but I’m going to hear her speak in January. To say she has offered me comfort is an understatement. She has renewed my perspective on life and death.

In my weekly classes I’ll often talk about expecting miracles. You get what you expect - not always but most of the time. I never, ever would have expected to lose the love of my life at just 48, and simultaneously I see and feel his presence everywhere.

God is at work in all things and at all times. God works in the most human moments of anger, frustration, aching, longing, emptiness. If we’re meant to sit in the questions, we can allow God to be there too.

The veil is thin and I promise to keep our line of communication open.

We discussed it after all.

OKAYILOVEYOUBYEEE,

xx

Nic.

ps. Classes this week are limited. My normal has shifted and I’m leaning in…

Tuesday QUICKIE YOGA 12-12:30pm pst. $10 This is an all levels, music based mobility focused yoga flow. It’s meant to be a reset of sorts. This began as a community based yoga class and if finances are an issue, please LMK and we’ll make it work. Bring your block and I’ll see you there. Sign up here.

Sunday AVIATOR NATION YOGA FLOW 10:45-11:45am pst. In person yoga, in real life. Sign up here. NOT TEACHING THIS WEEK-LAST MINUTE CHANGE OF PLANS. I apologize.

My October Fit classes are open to the public and you can drop in any time. I must admit this group is just remarkable and I feel so fortunate to guide these folks through the sweat, and the tears, and the laughs, as well. Check out the schedule here.

pps. Again your generosity in donating to our GoFundMe has been a life saver and I’M FOREVER GRATEFUL. I do not have the words. I really don’t. Those who’ve participated in our Meal Train. BLESS YOU. I am humbled to say it’s been bringing so much peace and comfort to myself and my family. If you sent me an Amazon surprise and didn’t hear back it’s because I don’t know where these precious gifts are coming from. You guys are too kind.

THANK YOU just doesn’t seem to suffice but I’ll keep saying it.

THANK YOU

THANK YOU

THANK YOU.

The mourning dove. I was convinced it was an albino pigeon but my dad looked it up.

This text was sent to me minutes apart from two friends on opposite sides of the country. Matt would have LOVED this.

The sea shell my new friend found walking along the beach. She snapped a pic and sent it to me. Incredible.

The sweetest spin bike note that not only held me together for 45 minutes but brought me 180’ with Matt’s Stayin’ Alive song to close. He has shown up time and time again and I’ll never forget these lessons. I hope you find comfort in them too.