I'm Contagious

*the more you know...

Growing up in a healthy and predominately emotionally regulated family seems to make me an outlier. The older I get the more I hear from friends and clients that yeah, that peaceful, open, loving, nurturing, safe household thing is not super common.

For this, I say my THANK YOU’s daily.

Enter … Valentines Day 2025.

Unassuming at first.

I mean, sad bc I miss Matt but that has literally .01% to do with how my holiday of love turned itself upside down.

We had an awesome morning yoga flow with my online community, I got Beau ready for his basketball camp on time and out the door. Then it happened.

My initial brush of irritation in a ‘string of events’…

First my podcast guest canceled. Again. It’s fine - life is busy, he is busy, I get it. I’m not pre-batched in the same way I was last season so now when a guest cancels I need to rally the troops and do some algebra-like scheduling. Nothing crazy - just more work, that’s all. As I’m driving to the nail appointment that I’ve waited ALL MONTH for because she applied the hands down ugliest shade of beige onto my already jaundice colored toes and if you didn’t know I do a lot of barefoot things so this has been … a hurdle. As I’m 10 minutes from the nail salon, I thought ‘hmmmm they usually send a confirmation text. That’s weird because this has been scheduled for weeks’. I leave for my retreat next Thursday so these bits and pieces had to be scheduled far in advance.

Or so I thought.

I got that sinking feeling with 5 minutes left of driving.

To Santa Monica.

From the South Bay.

On a Friday.

My LA friends are twitching reading those last few lines.

I get there and yup - no appointment in the books.

Immediately I get back into the car, asking Siri or whatever Big Tech Bot is listening to me, to find a salon closer to my house. If you’re wondering why I drive to Santa Monica for my nail appointment … It’s a long story. Basically, Mary (my nail tech) has me wrapped around her finger(nails) and I trust her.

So, Bit Bot whatever the hell it is finds a salon in Hermosa Beach.

Looks nice enough.

Within minutes I’m having a small internal crisis - they’re going really fast, they’re not as detailed or gentle and it’s too late…

I guess they’re not THAT bad…

With my hands and feet out of pocket (HAH GET IT - OUT OF POCKET) I get a text that my son and his friend need to be picked up from basketball camp early because … THEY’RE BORED.

I almost screamed.

Then I paused remembering I’m the genius who signed him up for a basketball camp that had an age range of 7-14 - apparently the average age was 7 and Beau hasn’t been 7 in 22 years.

My friend Alysha picked up the boys and now I was to meet them at the Dry Bar in El Segundo while she had an appointment.

I’m gonna save you the details.

I went to the wrong Dry Bar.

BY THIS TIME I’M SWEATING AND FILLED WITH MOMERWHELM.

What is MOMERWHELM you ask?

It’s a Mom who is SO OVERWHELMED she makes ups her own word for it.

The boys were stunned to silence because they could feel my rage.

We went to an outdoor shopping center because they needed to be fed.

To make it all worse I didn’t want what they were eating so I got a salad from a different restaurant.

It took a decade.

I’m in my mid 50s now.

That’s how long it took.

And when I finally opened it in the car.

The order was wrong.

LET’S PAUSE SHALL WE.

*

*

*

Something happened when I was ordering the food for the boys.

I looked to Beau and said …

Me: “What do you want to eat?”

Beau: “Nothing”.

Me: “Beau come on. Clearly today isn’t the day to play games. Just tell me. A cheeseburger?”

Beau: “No mom, I’m fine.”

Me: Glancing at his friend - in shock.

Then….

Beau: “Look I can’t be happy if you’re not happy. I don’t need to eat.”

There you have it.

Mother of the Year goes toooooooo …

I knew the snowball of rage that was compounding hour after hour was sure to leave a mark but on ME - not on my son. Now why would I think that when I know damn well that my mood, my facial expressions, my energy speaks volumes. Earlier in the day, I told myself to pull it together. Did I listen? Not a chance. I kept huffing and puffing myself around town like a sassy lady version of the Red Hulk. Boy moms know this reference.

His statement simultaneously took my breath away, reminded me he’s ONLY 12, and felt like a gut punch for letting it get this far.

There was no need.

Yeah, it’s frustrating. Parenting is wild, no matter the year, no matter the circumstances. This Valentines day felt like void of “healthy love”.

My gift wasn’t a dozen roses but rather the stark reminder that my energy is contagious and …

It only continues because I allow it.

It only continues because I allow it.

It only continues because I allow it.

Frustration, like any emotion - good or bad, continues because you keep choosing it.

The day got better but I’ve never felt my body shut down so abruptly. By 9:45pm I couldn’t keep my eyes open and you know what … the next day was awesome.

Because I was choosing it.

OKAYILOVEYOUBYEEE,

xx

Nic.

ps. NO CLASSES FOR A MINUTE Y’ALL… I’ll be on our Sweat and Stillness retreat connecting and celebrating these beautiful women and this beautiful life. I’m already planning our next one and if you’re not going to wanna miss this. Enter your info below to be added to the Retreat list and stay updated on times, locations, pricing, offerings and everything else. Retreat Interest Form.

pps. MARCH FIT 2025 begins March 3rd and it’s 4 action packed weeks of strength training, mobility based yoga, CARS, dance breaks, and meditation. This is FITNESS made fun and I swear on my nail tech Mary that we make it enjoyable even when it’s not. Read about it here or just sign up already. Also enjoy these testimonials from clients who just finished this month’s program:

“Just wanted to share I got some clean data today. In the 5 months I have been working out with Nicole, I have gained 3.7lbs of muscle and reduced my body fat from 28% to 26.4%. Thanks for having a program that is fun, inspiring and effective!! Nicole’s energy speaks to me day in and day out. Who knew a monthly fit program would alter my mind, body, & soul. Nicole’s old soul, fiery banter, and exquisite taste in music is something I genuinely look forward to.” -Brie

"After birthing 2 kiddos in 22 months apart my body was far from strong. There was a time that I was afraid that picking them up or turning the wrong way in my sleep would injure me. Strength training with Nicole has given me the gift of being able to TRUST my body again". - Adele

"It's hard to put into words all of the benefits that have come from doing these strength training groups over the last year and half. I have gained measurable strength (increased weight from 2-7lbs), the physical difference of the muscle definition in my whole body, but maybe most of all is hte mental gains of being able to reset my mindset and my nervous system with each workout. I finish a workout and feel mentally and emotionally ready to tackle the day". - Jen C.

ppps. A NEW EPISODE OF SHOCK AND Y’ALL IS OUT NOW and I’m speaking with the gorgeous, eloquent, somatic experiencing goddess SARAH BALDWIN. Sarah is without a doubt a mindful and dedicated healer that’s on the fast track toward the A list of somatic practitioners and trauma coaches worldwide. She is devoted, patient, experienced, analytical but also deeply empathetic. I’ve worked with her in the past and I’ve seen first hand how she offers wisdom with white gloves and an overabundance of kindness. After years of training in somatics, Polyvagal theory, trauma training, and working with clients, one of Sarah’s core beliefs is that the primary reason for most of our unhappiness, stuckness, struggles in relationships, and pain is unhealed trauma. Unhealed trauma is stored and relived in our bodies. We experience this somatically, which means in the form of reactions, sensations, behaviors, feelings, and eventually, thoughts. When we are activated, the parts of our brain that process language go offline. Therefore, we can't talk ourselves out of these experiences, we have to somatically show these parts we are safe. Sarah is thorough, eloquent, a great friend, and a survivor herself.

Here are a few clips but the whole episode is eye opening. Enjoy!!

OH WAIT. You’re still here … could you, would you, pretty please leave us a review on Apple podcasts. Just click this link, scroll to the bottom to leave your thoughts and “stars” and I’ll send you an energetic HIGH FIVE along with my sincere appreciation.