The Way You Embody Life...
Sunday evening Beau and I attended the celebration of life for my ex husband, his father, Leland Anderson.
The trepidation I had leading up to this event was interesting - Disorienting even. I haven’t socialized with his circle in a decade. The circle of friends we knew together has disintegrated and he was surrounded by people that were mostly strangers to me. I’m sure he had confided in them about my helicopter parenting or God knows what but my level of comfort going into this experience was like a sub zero.
On top of that, I’m not proficient at holding multiple mixed emotions at once.
I had to consciously tell myself to remain present and maintain a safe container for Beau while my heart was breaking all over again.
Still kinda strange right … you’d think I’d be somewhat used to this juggling act after 11 months of living with immediate loss.
The way we want to remember a person is a one-sided story that doesn’t hold the entirety of a person, let alone the events, your participation, the individual’s struggles or how those choices rippled into the world around them for better or for worse.
Your memory is one sided.
All stories are one sided.
Some of us are born, mature, and die with gentler footprints on the spectrum of life while others of us are living what looks to be 10 lifetimes in one.
Each life serves a purpose. Those who aren’t riddled with struggles are often the light and the safety nets for so many who battle. The balance is above and beyond what we can see.
When you speak to your elders you can hear it in their voice or even see it in their eyes - they undoubtedly have more compassion for their younger self.
They can see how far they’ve come.
When I visualize myself as an old lady, I feel excitement bc surely that version of me has some good stories, a silver angled bob, and some real solid perspective.
Or maybe she’s more clueless than ever before.
Oh lawwwd … I really hope that ain’t it.
Last week, I shared a brilliant snippet from author Brianna Weist in my IG stories.
“You cannot miss what is meant for you. You cannot lose what is yours. Any road you take in an effort to avoid your destiny will inevitably turn into a preparation period - a growth concourse - through which you are forced to face what led you astray in the first place. In the same way that you cannot hide from what is yours to have, you can also not run from what is yours to heal, to grow from, to grow into. The things that are meant for us make us the people we are meant to be.”
Full disclosure, the basis of this quote reminds me so much one of my favorite scriptures in the Bible (you know I’m no Bible expert) from verse 70 of the Gospel of Thomas:
“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you.
If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”
These statements aren’t the exact same thing nor were they meant to be compared yet they’re analagous in a way.
‘If you bring forth, what’s within you what’s within you will save you.’
The act of fulfilling your destiny and following that which lights you up doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be a multimillionaire with optimal health and perfect friendships in three weeks time, but rather every tiny piece of you that had to stand up, be seen, and take a risk builds the foundation to save you from your lower self.
Or should I say save you from your underdeveloped self?
‘If you do not bring forth, what’s within you what you do not bring forth will destroy you.’
I mean, that’s intense … kinda on brand for the Bible … no disrespect I’m just saying…
For example, let’s take illness. I’m not saying that illness isn’t a biological misfortune, but I am saying that we know about .01% of what this reality entails and I’d bet my multimillions on the unseen energetics and your emotional state creating fertile ground for dis-ease. A cathartic release is healing in more ways than one.
We’re all allowed our ‘perspectives’ and mine includes the quantum nature of things.
There’s far more to what’s happening here.
God within you, expressing DIVINE LOVE through your experience, is either guiding us to grow or to learn. The ache for travel, for art, for creating the non profit, for building strong relational bonds, for the business idea, for the whateverrrr is a necessary and needed embodiment of God through you.
The divorce, the hard choice, the confession, the argument that changed everything, again all required learning in “the growth concourse” as Brianna Weist says.
More importantly, what you bring forth will save you.
One thing that’s evident after celebrating the lives of two men I loved for different reasons, during different chapters of my life, is that honoring your heart’s desire will usher you into healing, growth and “your highest good”.
How will you choose to embody your life?
OKAYILOVEYOUBYEEE,
xx
Nic.
Ps. * Tuesday QUICKIE YOGA 12-12:30pm pst. $10. A well rounded music based mobility focused yoga flow. This was created as a community class and if you ever need financial assistance to attend - please just reach out or use code NEWFRIEND to try a class for free. Sign up here.
* Saturday AVIATOR NATION YOGA FLOW 9-10am, 10:15-11:15am. In person, in Santa Monica. Come on out. Sign up here.
* Sunday AVIATOR NATION YOGA FLOW. 10:45-11:45am. In person, in Santa Monica. Come on out. Sign up here.
Pps. Did you know I have a “free trial/beginner” section on my site. You can always try these classes to see if you and I might be a good “fitness-fit”. LOL
Ppps. EPISODE 34 of SHOCK AND YALL IS OUT NOW with a true survivor and heart transplant recipitant ALISON CONKLIN. I’ve been waiting and waiting for this one to drop. GET YOUR KLEENEX and get ready to be moved. I was introduced to Alison through an email subscriber and Internet friend. Within minutes of reading her story, I was hysterically crying and determined to bring her on my podcast. PS. I hadn’t even launched a podcast at this point-that didn’t stop me from emailing her and asking her to be on my unborn show. Alison’s an Uber talented photographer, a devoted wife, a mother of two boys, and an incredible writer as it turns out… You may have read her Huffington Post article which is linked HERE. - Above all this woman is an absolute survivor. Here’s a sneak peek and check the show notes to learn more:
Pppps. Alison is in the process of launching her magazine called BONUS magazine. She describes it here in her own words: “I created this magazine in the aftermath of my heart transplant. Pages filled with hope and inspiration- pages for the resilient as I like to say. I was so terrified after my transplant as I didn’t know what type of life I would have once I left the hospital doors. So I wanted to create something that shared that no matter what your diagnosis is - you can still have a beautiful life. My goal is to have every transplant center and hospital give these magazines to their patients. I firmly believe that no one can relate to a patient like a patient can and allowing a space to see people who understand what it is like to be an eternal patient allows them to feel less alone.” Stay tuned on more information and reach out to her directly if you’d like to help her get it off the ground.
OH WAIT. You’re still here … could you, would you, pretty please leave us a review on Apple podcasts. Just click this link, scroll to the bottom to leave your thoughts and “stars” and I’ll send you an energetic HIGH FIVE along with my sincere appreciation.