The Heart of it all.

(insert the anatomical heart emoji...where are my emojis Substack!)

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands but in seeing with new eyes.”

-Marcel Proust

The events that have occurred in the last month and 7 days feel like the story line to a really bad film.

I lost my beloved partner Matt on 9/16, my friend and fellow football parent Cedric had a heart attack on 10/16 and passed away, another friend of our football community Paul had a heart attack on 10/20, another friend’s husband passed at the age of 40 last Thursday and my close friend’s brother in law passed away 24 hours ago.

It’s a lot.

Part of me wants to scream; this is too much.

Another part of me thinks this is why I devote so much time to curating a life I want to live, filtering my daily habits so that healthier choices are more readily available, practicing gratitude for the tiniest of things, and simultaneously I think to myself; well “EFFFFFFF IT”… these folks were doing all that and it didn’t seem to matter.

Or does it.

In the last 37 days my former perspective on life, death, and consciousness has consumed itself, shape shifted, and is now being spit out of me like some kind of higher power fire hose. Multiple clients and friends have commented on how I seem different.

I am.

I feel more embodied but less ‘here’. (Don’t worry my therapist is on it.) Almost as if my heart is being pulled elsewhere.

I’m okay overall and I recognize this is a process.

I just started reading devouring a book called The Heart’s Code (thanks Tori) and holy guacamole y’all. This book was written in 1998 and in my opinion these conversations are just now becoming more mainstream unless you have been intimately involved in quantum biomechanics, cardiac transplant research, or the like.

Your heart is a big deal.

Not because you can’t live without it but because it plays by it’s own rules.

Author Paul Parnell, Ph.D writes:

“Brain cells called neurons communicate via biochemical impulses received through dendrites as sent by axons. They exchange electrochemical energy across the synapse, a spark plug-like gap that exists between brain cells. Heart cells also communicate biochemically, but unlike brain or any other body cells, they also seem able to exchange life information by using a subtle and as yet immeasurable vital force. Author Joesph Pearce writes, ‘Two closely bonded people often share information across time-space, to which we attach occult labels of various sorts, while all the time it is only our true biology, the logic of our life system, the language of the heart.’

Our billions of heart cells may be able to combine and form a quantum energy generator that operates not only by mechanical pumping rules but by the laws of the quantum world such as non locality, thus instantaneously organizing the info-engergtic connection that constitutes all systems in the universe.”

Like I said, the heart is a big deal.

My friend “K.B. Hill” wrote a book on the powerful topic of organ transplantation that I’ve recently learned about titled Shark Heart. I’ve yet to read it but it’s obviously been added to my Amazon cart.

The energetics of the heart are so profound that it’s worth considering how and why we say things like “my heart isn’t in it”, “heartbreak”, “heartless”, “something in my heart tells me this is no good”, etc. It seems to me that collectively we haven’t even broken ground on understanding the miraculous power of the heart.

Another excerpt from The Heart’s Code says;

“Our heart is the metronome of our body’s biorhythm, and health happens when we are in rhythm within ourselves, synchronized with other living systems, and moving to our preset beat rather than trying to respond to the driving beat of the stressful outside world… Cardio-energetic healing views all disease as ‘arrhythmia’. When our heart is sick, it beats irregularly, and when our cells lose their natural rhythm of division we develop cancer, and the like. The Greek word ‘chronos’ refers to clock time, but ‘kairos’ time is a natural rhythm of life emanating from our own heart and its energy is translated throughout our body system. Cardio-energetic healing requires tuning in and living by our heart’s own good ‘kairos’ time, and not always allowing ‘chronos’ or clock time, to dictate our life.”

Numerous people have told me in confidence that they altered their lives, schedules, and perspectives after Matts passing. I have too. The ripple effect he’s had posthumously is remarkable.

In life when we allow ourselves to be swept up in the hysteria of what’s being funneled into our ears and eyes we are missing the opportunity to go in.

All the way in.

To hear the rhythm and desires of our hearts.

This could be an overshare but if you’ve been here 5 minutes you’re accustomed to these by now … my heart aches to hug Matt. I can see his daily signs, I can understand how energy never dies, I can watch videos, and talk to him out loud in my car (not weird at all), but the loss of his physicality is the gnarliest void. In the same way Moose keeps watching the front door in hopes he’ll walk through…my heart is on constant alert in hopes to feel him again.

As I’ve been moving forward, the more certain I am that nothing is as it seems.

There is an interesting Instagram reel making the rounds about how powerful our perception is and how easily we can be mislead. Watch this quickly and then consider how you’ve interpreted a story or narrative to derive what you’ve been told to hear.

The heart of the matter is that your heart matters.

It’s a huge deal. You must love her, listen to her, and honor her because she is a “mind” in and of herself.

We all have work to do - too often we see our version of reality, get caught up in ‘keeping up‘, and dismiss the heart of it all.

OKAYILOVEYOUBYEEE,

xx

Nic.

ps. Classes this week are listed below. I’ll be back to both Saturday and Sunday Aviator Nation classes beginning November and November Fit is open for registration.

Tuesday QUICKIE YOGA 12-12:30pm pst. $10 This is an all levels, music based mobility focused yoga flow. It’s meant to be a reset of sorts. This began as a community based yoga class and if finances are an issue, please LMK and we’ll make it work. Bring your block and I’ll see you there. Sign up here.

Sunday AVIATOR NATION YOGA FLOW 10:45-11:45am pst. In person yoga, in real life. Sign up here.

pps. November Fit is open for registration…This program is from 11/3 - 11/27. Classes will still be “all levels” however this is a great time to join if you’re just starting out as I’m coming back (physically and emotionally) from last month’s heart break. November Fit is monthly strength training that feels good and keeps you accountable. We’ve got 13 classes over the course of 30 days. They all begin and end with CARS, because obviously. They’re all 35 minutes, and they will live on demand in case you miss the live session.

We have an optional IG chat group that keeps the party going all month long. It's a brilliant way to start your day, GET THE WORK IN, and build stackable, healthy habits.

Of all the things I’ve created this program is one of my favorites. If you’ve been a part of it before, just wait… The connections are growing stronger and deeper and it’s a beautiful compliment to your already awesome life. Learn more here.