Do you ever observe your parents getting older or your children growing up or even your pets aging - it’s wild.
I’ve written about the impermanence of life 10 times if I’ve written about it once. It’s something that really fascinates me and holds my attention over and over again. Whenever I come back to the childhood home I grew up in and see my parents who are in great condition given their age, I’m always mesmerized by how things have changed so much and simultaneously not at all.
It started a few days ago when I noticed the drain in my childhood bathroom.
This drain used to be gold or more accurately brass. It’s now a darker worn out brownish hue … it’s just a drain. It gets a lot of use. This shouldn’t be surprising.
The aging of the drain set me off.
Losing Matt brings all of life’s impermanence to the surface. Even looking back four months ago, Beau has changed so much. I have changed. Moose has a few more gray hairs on the top of his head…Matt isn’t here for our continued earthbound evolution or his own for that matter. Everything’s changing.
It always has.
There’s something about New Year’s resolutions that sets me off, too. I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of social content around 2024 goals, etc. and that is probably thrilling for some (I see you Virgos). This year I’ve got anxiety over the closure. Maybe it’s the finality of it all. Maybe it’s because Matt can’t come. This is the first year I’ve ever really wanted to close it down and keep it going. Perhaps I’d feel different if the highs and lows were reversed but who's to say. It is what it is.
I accomplished and experienced incredible moments this year and was hit with the lowest lows, all in 365 days. Because so many of you graciously share your lives with me, I clearly wasn’t alone.
All things considered I’m not the same person I was a year ago, three years ago or a decade ago and neither are you. Your taste buds die and grow back every 2 weeks, your skin is a living organism, which means you sloughed off many former versions of you.
Nothing is not changing.
The skin your in is ALIVE.
See. Science says so.
Then why why why the struggle with change … After all, it’s the only constant. You’re not even the same YOU from last week. HAH - maybe that’s a relief.
I’ve come to think it’s because our spirit cherishes its time here. From what I’ve read, an earthbound experience is one of the hardest experiences for a soul … The opposing thought is; of course we would think that. Centering ourselves is a human talent, for sure.
Whether you’re reading this today and are at the height of success or have flatlined on ideas; the facts remain you’re changing. You’re never not changing. How do you integrate this new version of you. I’ve had a rough go of integrating my more emotional, grieving self but I do see the ways I’m better for it. I say what I need to say more readily (well maybe that wasn’t a needed change), I experience nature with more awe, I go after what I want with more candor. I release the old Nicole with respect and gratitude … Shedding our skin is par for course.
Please enjoy Exhibit A…
Just a girl, her little brother, her father and their pet boa constrictor, Samantha… Samantha would shed her skin all the time, and on occasion get out of her cage and leave said skin under a dresser which would inevitably cause this girl’s mother to threaten divorce. That’s a little too much information but the point is, you’ve gotta shed your skin.
The bathroom drain will tarnish.
Your kids are gonna grow up to be pretty extraordinary adults.
Your dreams are a lot closer than you’ve been lead to believe.
Every cell in your body is listening and you are never not changing.
OKAYILOVEYOUBYEEE,
xx
Nic.
Ps. Classes this week:
* Saturday FULL BODY STRENGTH 7:30-8:05am pst. $20. This is day one of my January Fit program but open for anyone to drop in. The group energy is excellent and we begin with CARs, strength train and sweat it out with friends. Bring a glute loop/resistance band, lighter and heavier weights. Sign up here.
* Saturday AVIATOR NATION YOGA FLOW 9-10am, 10:15-11:15am. In person, in Santa Monica. Come on out. Sign up here.
* Sunday AVIATOR NATION YOGA FLOW. 10:45-11:45am. In person, in Santa Monica. Come on out. Sign up here.
pps. As I launch my JANUARY FIT 2024 program this Friday (1/5) I invite you to consider how 35 minutes, 4 times a week could be the small change you need. As of this month, I’ve added 10 minutes to our Saturday class (woop woop). The breakdown is below. I’m thrilled because we’ll be less rushed and can enjoy our full 5 minute guided meditation. Maybe next month you’ll walk more, remember your inner strength, laugh more often, sleep deeper, open your schedule for more ‘you’ time and harness your energy with more clarity and passion. All of these *side effects* are just a few positives past clients have shared with me.
Mondays 6:30-7:05am pst Lower body.
Wednesdays 6:30-7:05am pst Upper body.
Fridays 6:30-7:05am pst Mobility Yoga Flow
Saturdays 7:15-8am pst Full body. (Please notice the extra 10 min and earlier start time.)
The classes all begin and end with CARs, they live on demand for the entire month so you can train after work or repeat them as desired, and our optional but incredible Instagram chat group is a great resource for support, laughter, venting and connection. 2024 is the perfect time to clear your mind, train your body, and elevate your spirit. Let’s get ready FOR THE BEST THAT’S YET TO COME. Book it here.
ppps. HAPPY, HAPPY NEW YEAR AND I APPRECIATE YOU.
pppps. Had another small Matt Sign a few nights ago … I went outside to look at the Alabama stars, talk to Matt and yell at him for being dead. You know, the usual. And as I’m asking him ‘where are you tonight’ I immediately hear ‘you know I’m right here, I’m a part of your consciousness now’. I smile and nod and cry for a bit. As I turn to go back inside I look to my right and there is an enormous deer, standing 20 ft away in my parents front yard just staring at me. I said ‘oh wow…look at you now…so regal. I love you goodnight’. Don’t forget to invite your loved ones into your life…they are closer than you think. They are ‘never not changing’ as well, you see….
A LITTLE PIECE OF CRY COME OUT!!! amazing. oh thank you for this Gina...seriously.
I look forward to your emails every week. The part about your mom threatening divorce made me lol and anything about Matt makes as my nephew would say, “a little piece of cry come out”.
Happy New Year!