Like an egg to the forehead

There will be people in your life who are by your side from day one. Some will show up for a season and be gone for good, others make the briefest, most epic impact for a blink of an eye, and some re-enter in divine timing.

Whatever man … it’s all divine timing, isn’t it.

My closest friend from high school (technically from Riverchase Country Club swim and tennis team) Nika (Nicole) Nelson McLaughlin came to LA for a “girlfriends visit” this past weekend.

I had no idea how badly I needed this.

Not to say my incredible friend circle in town is sub par by any means. I’m fortunate to be surrounded by the best of the best and I’m no dummy - I cherish my friends from all chapters of life.

I’ve underestimated people, situations, opportunities, life choices and more.

I’ve also put more value on shit that in hindsight didn’t deserve 2 seconds of my attention.

Maybe you know this feeling … what I didn’t know about life after loss and the process of grief, is that creating space around what and who you love is invaluable and a clear shot to healing.

Not that this is FIXING anything cuz news flash it doesn’t get fixed.

But it leads you down the right path nonetheless…

Nika came to town to be present with me and laugh and play and cry and meal prep and we had THE BEST TIME.

Yesterday she thought she was soooooo cute and made a hilarious video that I have to share with you because it liiiiiiiterally makes me cackle out loud every time I watch it. And I’ve seen it 2700x now.

Scroll to the bottom of this email and then come back up here because I can’t get it to embed below this sentence…okay go to the bottom and watch it.

I’ll wait.

…

Wasn’t that amazing and no I didn’t really bruise but it throbbed for a good 30 min. #worthit.

We did a lot of mundane things (with one special moment at In and Out…that reel is on IG) and it was a delight just to be together.

While she was here I experienced two more losses…in my inner circle and my outer circle … gut punches. I have never had to look at the enigmatic nature of existence like this and in such a tight window of time. It’s exhausting.

Before I decided on a topic for this email, I was sitting in my kitchen when my War of Art book fell out of my bookshelf.

No lie.

This occurred 2x just this week - that’s a SIGN in my mind - so I picked it up yesterday, opened it and “Resistance and Healing” appeared before me.

The author, Steven Pressfield wrote:

“What are we trying to heal, anyway? The athlete knows the day will never come when he wakes up pain free. He has to play hurt.”

These lines struck me.

That’s how it’s been and even though my ex husband would say “DANCERS AREN’T ATHLETES” (specifically to piss me off - Matt would never have said that. LOL) it takes a mindset of perseverance to do this life with gusto and drive, while being hurt.

And who is not hurt?

Name one person.

There is no other way…

I mean there is but I don’t recommend it.

You are stronger than you think and stronger than others believe you to be which will be validating for some and shocking for others. You have to play hurt.

LET ME BE CLEAR that doesn’t mean move into more pain, ignore it, push it down and escape…it means play hurt.

Whether it’s an egg to the forehead, the loss of the love of your life, or a fender bender; you are not alone but you must keep moving. When your forehead is pulsating after having an egg smashed into it, you embrace the shock and then laugh it off because that’s what’s necessary.

My friend Dr. Chris Lee texted me shortly after Matt’s passing.

He wrote “Grief is love with no place to go.” I’m fairly certain he didn’t come up with that one liner but he is brilliant so I could be wrong. If you think about holding love, without an outlet to pour into, you realize millions of people are walking around holding this “love baggage” and managing to stand upright.

That’s impressive. You are impressive. Your ability to hold the light and the dark simultaneously means you’re earth side; for better or for worse.

My belief is the cord of light that tethers your soul to your body exists infinitely outward and onward. You don’t need to understand. You just may need to play hurt for a bit … or a lifetime.

Remember, a life well lived will leave a little mark but you’re here to play … and you don’t really have a choice now do you…

Egg on your face and all…

OKAYILOVEYOUBYEEE,

xx

Nic.

ps. Classes this week are below:

* Tuesday (today) QUICKIE YOGA 12-12:30pm pst. $10. This is a well rounded, accessible yoga flow paired with music that includes mobility work and a 5 minute savasana. It’s meant to be a community offering at $10 a class and if you need financial assistance, just reach out. Hope to see you soon. Sign up here.

* Saturday FULL BODY STRENGTH 7:30-8am pst. $20. This is day one of my November Fit program but open for anyone to drop in. The group energy is excellent and we begin with CARs, strength train and sweat it out with friends. Bring a glute loop/resistance band, lighter and heavier weights. Sign up here.

* Saturday AVIATOR NATION YOGA FLOW 9-10am, 10:15-11:15am. I’M BACK TO MY FULL WEEKEND IN PERSON SCHEDULE. Thank you for your patience.
In person, in Santa Monica. Come on out. Sign up here.

* Sunday AVIATOR NATION YOGA FLOW. 10:45-11:45am. In person, in Santa Monica. Come on out. Sign up here.

pps. November Fit begins THIS FRIDAY/SATURDAY. How? How is it November? How did I survive the last 2 months? All good questions … Here’s what’s happening:

November Fit is monthly virtual group strength training that feels good and keeps you accountable. We’ve got 13 classes over the course of 30 days. They all begin and end with CARS, because obviously! Classes are 35 minutes, accessible for all levels, and they will live on demand in case you miss the live session. We have an optional IG chat group that keeps the party going all month long. Train for improved strength, laugh while you sweat, and bring your dance moves because each class has a mini 3 minute cardio dance break to shift your mood and ignite lymphatic drainage. It's a brilliant way to start your day, stack healthy habits, and I can't wait to see you there.

ppps. If you like EGG themed stuff, please purchase my children’s book YOLKED on Amazon or Barnes & Noble and help our younger generation tune in to their intuition and deep seated knowing. The language of growth is an inside job and speaking to it early helps us all. YOLKED was initially a bedtime story I made up for Beau about 2.5 years ago. I think you’ll like it.

NIKA VS NIKA… “Egg Prank”