"Happy Birthday" - Love, Advil Cold & Sinus

*not sponsored.

My birthday was February 3rd.

The 3 days leading up to this glorious celebration of my 24 years on okay fine, 46 years on earth were nothing short of … snotty.

My friend Shauna aka “Shane” as I’ve called her for decades simply said “Go get some Advil Cold & Sinus. You’ll feel so much better”. What she failed to mention was Advil Cold & Sinus requires an ID for purchase (actually she probably DID tell me this but it’s a blur) the point is… IT’S LOW KEY METH, Y’ALL!!

I’m sure you knew this.

Apparently, everyone already knew this.

I don’t take drug store meds all that often and certainly not the ones where you “show your ID”. I leave that for the club. Baaaahahaha and that joke is how you KNOW I’m 46.

Ninety minutes after taking it, I was amazed at how my body could be feeling two very different things at once. There was the snotty, congested ‘we should rest’ Nicole and then the ‘let’s deep clean this closet’ Nicole … both sides fighting for mental real estate the longer the day went on. What I realized in the process of ‘actively resting’ was that this is not unlike your options on an average ‘healthy’ day.

I think what stuck out for me is that the wisest choice, often the less desirable choice, is sometimes the ONLY WAY OUT. There comes a point when you have to surrender.

In slowing down, canceling my classes, clients, meetings, 2 podcasts, a celebratory dinner and Lord knows what else; I enjoyed my solitude and stillness. I didn’t sleep because Advil Cold & Sinus wouldn’t allow for that but I did quiet the noise and reflect.

Then I cried.

I love my routine and normal life schedule AND I was missing my friend/partner/beloved, Matt.

All of this emotion was unexpected because I rarely get sick. Being forced to contend with this lifestyle interruption and recognizing that 98% of the time I feel Matt’s presence left me confused and sad.

This is the reality and it’s just different now. There has been a significant relationship adjustment but it’s a beautiful thing. While sick in bed, I just leaned in to pity. Not to mention, becoming a mouth breather overnight reallllllly pissed me off and that set into motion a slew of other low frequency feelings. Y’ALL WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT BREATHE THROUGH YOUR DAMN MOUTH.

Before including this section of my email, I paused thinking people are so sick of hearing about my grief. Maybe. You can unsubscribe at any time so those who’ve had enough have likely already left.

I’m getting to the point, I swear…

When life is good, please feel into it. Celebrate it. Talk about it. Share with your friends and total strangers. When life is hard, please feel into it. Cry in bed. Talk about it. Take a photo of your mascara stained face because it’s kinda hilarious and poetic. BLACK TEARS - how wiiiiiiiiilllld.

When we numb out on the comforts of this life we find temporary relief but the piper will be paid and future you will at some point need to sit with the decisions current you is making.

I hadn’t gotten still enough to FEEL INTO MY GRIEF - so it came in hard and fast.

Someone told me year two is the hardest. They told me this within the first 3 months after Matt’s passing and my thought was OH HELL NO DUDE WE ARE NOT DOING THIS FOR YEARS!

I hate being wrong.

I will now admit being wrong.

Still hate it though.

Facts: Year Two is tough.

Head colds/sinus infections are tough.

AND. AND. AND….

I get another year. A birth-DAY is a gift. It’s your personal new year. Every morning you open your eyes to take another breath, is a gift. Some years the present comes from CVS and is disguised as over the counter crack cocaine but regardless, you might as well feel into it, live it up and say your thank you’s.

OKAYILOVEYOUBYEEE,

xx

Nic.

ps. * Tuesday QUICKIE YOGA 12-12:30pm pst. $10. A well rounded music based mobility focused yoga flow. This was created as a community class and if you ever need financial assistance to attend - please just reach out or use code NEWFRIEND to try a class for free. Sign up here.

* Saturday AVIATOR NATION YOGA FLOW 9-10am, 10:15-11:15am. In person, in Santa Monica. Come on out. Sign up here.

* Sunday AVIATOR NATION YOGA FLOW. 10:45-11:45am. In person, in Santa Monica. Come on out. Sign up here.

pps. Another low key promotion for my YOUTUBE CHANNEL, y’all. I’ve wanted to share the full video versions of my podcast for a year now and finally, we are making progress. If you prefer to watch the episodes PLEASE follow my channel, leave a review, share it with your besties (or your worsties) and help me build community on the ‘tube. Appreciate you. CLICK HERE to check it out.

ppps. THE LATEST EPISODE OF SHOCK AND YALL IS OUT NOW and I’m speaking with DR. CARRIE MACKENSEN. She my friend and holy smokes is she brilliant. Dr. Carrie is a clinical psychologist turned Parent Coach who combines professional expertise with real-world solutions to help families thrive. With a Ph.D. in Individual, Family, and Child Psychology and over 25 years of experience – from K-12 schools, as an attending psychologist at Cedars Sinai Hospital, to serving as Clinical Director of high-end residential treatment programs for addiction and eating disorders, and in private practice in Beverly Hills and Manhattan Beach CA– she founded Successful Parent with one simple truth in mind: kids don't come with operating manuals and parents deserve to know all she learned through her doctoral education clinical experience! There is vitally important for my parents and care-takers out there. Take a listen, share with your community, and here are a couple sneak peeks from our episode - enjoy:

OH WAIT. You’re still here … could you, would you, pretty please leave us a review on Apple podcasts. Just click this link, scroll to the bottom to leave your thoughts and “stars” and I’ll send you an energetic HIGH FIVE along with my sincere appreciation.