H A L T -er ego.
I’m sooooooooo tired right now.
I think it’s jet lag. Yes. That is likely it and the 3 classes I taught, and the rugby game 50 minutes away, and the quick trip to the market and then the late day dog walk.
I’m also Hungry.
A little Angry.
Lonely(ish).
and Tired.
Did I mention I am tired.
I came across this HALT acronym in Pema Chödrön’s (audible) book HOW WE LIVE IS HOW WE DIE and had to pause the recording to manage my thoughts.
Even if you are suddenly out of alignment in one of these categories it affects your judgment, your perspective, and for many of us this bleeds right into our actions.
For instance, I started this email on Saturday and I was “HALT-y”.
As I finish this email, I’ve had decent sleep, plenty of salty lemon water, fellowship w good friends, fulfillment in my day to day and yet again…a perspective shift.
As a woman and working mom, the sheer number of times that I’ve been HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY, and/or TIRED are staggering. As you read this, you might be circling empty on any one of these issues.
If one of these 4 facets of life is askew, my ego steps in with a side eye that could have mother Theresa offering apologies for her behavior.
Unfortunately, I tend to lead with the unfilled cup.
Maybe you can relate.
When in doubt evaluate your hunger, anger, loneliness and personal exhaustion.
Let’s check inventory:
HUNGER.
If you are reading this, you’re already in the 1%. I’m assuming you have the ability to feed yourself and your family even if it’s not a perfectly organic, well rounded meal. Hunger is an interesting beast. Taken literally, pre-packing snacks in your car will save you and your kids a meltdown. You’ve seen the Snickers commercial. Has there ever been more accurate marketing? You are NOT yourself when you’re hungry.
Figuratively, are you striving for what you’re here to do? Oof. Are you fulfilled? The hunger for more stuff might be your priority, yet I’m willing to bet the hunger to create and find limitless joy would serve you more than a “designer kitchen”.
ANGER.
I’ve met myself in anger more in the last four months than ever before. I thought I was angry when I ruptured 4 discs in my back and forever changed my dance career. I thought I was angry when I got divorced. I thought I was angry when I closed my fitness studio. I thought I was angry when the government told us to stay in our houses and banned parks, gyms, and basic human connection. I thought I was angry when people ostracized their friends and neighbors for having differing points of view and questioning the loudest narrative.
Well, those were all appetizers for the anger that I felt losing the love of my life in his sleep. When anger arises now, I pause to observe. There is less fear at the root. Previously I would get so uncomfortable with my own anger. These days, anger feels like pain transitioning and leaving my body. Ironically, it helps me feel FREE.
LONELINESS.
Well, that’s the icing on the cake isn’t it. Losing your life partner and doing “day to day” in your shared home is a special kind of dark. Simultaneously the amount of support and sheer kindness from friends, family, students, and people that I haven’t seen in years has kept me afloat. Some days I wonder if I should spend more time alone. Just sitting in it. We all know you can be alone in a relationship. You don’t need to be ‘uncoupled’ to feel lonely.
As I type this, the distribution of alone time and companionship feels appropriate for my healing.
My suggestion is to not set limits on this. Feel into the moment to decide if you’re isolating yourself for any other reason. Some of us are truly introverts (what’s that like) and others of us walk the line. May I remind you, you were never meant to do it entirely alone. Whatever it is, you are wired for interaction.
TIRED.
Is anyone not tired? That’s a real question. HAH!
I have great sleep habits and I pride myself on this because sleep is the SECRET SAUCE. Certain chapters are going to rob you of this and IYKYK. This is where I hand out GOLD STARS to all parents and care takers who sacrifice their own Zzzz’s for others.
When you’ve had proper rest, life is good. Every night your nervous system cleans the dysfunctional human dust storm brewing inside of you all while you’re sawing logs.
Good sleep and proper energy are your birthright.
A few things that have helped me nail my sleep regime are:
1) Red light on my phone after 7pm. I created a shortcut (thanks TikTok) on my phone to turn my screen deep red with the click of some buttons.
2) I stop caffeine at 1pm. Usually WAY before 1pm as I want my body to be eager for rest not in a state of confusion when it should be winding down.
3) I sleep in pitch black with a sound machine like a 3 month old baby.
4) I use essential oils like lavender, vetiver, cedar wood, and helichrysum on my pillow every night.
5) I go to sleep and wake up at nearly the same time 6 days a week.
6) I sleep alone. Matt and I always slept separately because he was a deep sleeper and I’m a super light sleeper. If he sneezed or rolled over, I was awake and ready to party. Destigmatizing separate sleeping arrangements might be a personal crusade of mine. Create successful sleep protocols and watch what happens!
Any gradient shift in Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, or Exhaustion can influence a person and yet, when they work together … your baseline is pretty flipping solid.
When these needs are met; you’re thriving.
It’s like the HALT-er top you didn’t know you needed.
The guys are like … a what?
A HALTER top is a bra top that holds your lady bits up by connecting around your neck. It’s functional.
It’s like the group project of clothing.
It holds you up and keeps you in check.
Next time you feel discombobulated, maybe HALT and see…
OKAYILOVEYOUBYEEE,
xx
Nic.
ps. CLASSES THIS WEEK:
* Tuesday QUICKIE YOGA (today) 12-12:30pm pst. $10. This is a well rounded, accessible yoga flow paired with music that includes mobility work and a 5 minute savasana. It’s meant to be a community offering at $10 a class and if you need financial assistance, just reach out. Hope to see you soon. Sign up here.
* Saturday FULL BODY STRENGTH 7:15-8am pst. $20. This is part of my January Fit program but open for anyone to drop in. The group energy is excellent and we begin with CARs, strength train and sweat it out with friends. Bring a glute loop/resistance band, lighter and heavier weights. Sign up here.
* Saturday AVIATOR NATION YOGA FLOW 9-10am, 10:15-11:15am. In person, in Santa Monica. Come on out. Sign up here.
* Sunday AVIATOR NATION YOGA FLOW. 10:45-11:45am. In person, in Santa Monica. Come on out. Sign up here.
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